whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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