somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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