So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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