I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
