I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So much rum. So many feels.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
