five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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