Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
