My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
