I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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