can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
