I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
