first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's always time for handjobs
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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