:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize