I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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