i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
