Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize