He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
