They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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