Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
