i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
