i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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