Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
