I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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