those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize