Say something about gay babies.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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