i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we're making bets on your personal life
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize