I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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