There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
