K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize