Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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