he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
