He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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