I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
