So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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