You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
