yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
