I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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