At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
