Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
