the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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