dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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