youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
