Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
