never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And then my night got REAL pukey
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
