Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
