Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize