Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
