is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
