Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
