I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
