i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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