Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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