Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize