come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize