If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
