Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I pour the whiskey from now on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
