Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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