Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
