"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
