she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's no shave November. This is our time.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize